Confusion...

So, life's taken a turn. And usually people say a turn for the worse, but ... I'm really not sure what direction I'm going in.

It's kinda like this overpass. You know where you are supposed to go. But you look at this, and you can't figure out which road will take you there. You can see your destination there in the distance, and you can see all the other cars headed that way, but you can't for the life of you figure out how they got there. And you know that even if you take the wrong exit, you can eventually find your way back. But who wants to spend their time driving in the wrong direction.

I just don't know where to go. There's no Mapquest for life. Even so, Mapquest gives bad directions sometimes.

I just feel like a horrible driver. With a horrible sense of direction.

Anyone want to take the wheel?

And for my next song ...

I know I'm not the only one here. When ya get all emotional, you can usually pick out a song that matches what you are feeling perfectly. It's like they were thinking about you, at this moment, when they were writing that song. Well, here's mine ... for what I'm feeling now.

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

Now, before some people get offended by the lyrics of this song ... I didn't write this. And I wouldn't choose these exact words. And ... for those of you familiar with Avenue Q, things work out in the end.

Add - a - Caption!

My cycle is starting!

And I'm not talking menstruation! It's ANTM!!!! It's starts tonight! Thank the Lord for TiVO!

Here are some pics to hold you over!

Juggling...

So, there's just a whole lot going on at the moment. Some things in my life are going one way, some are going the other. Some are turning around, some are popping there heads back into my life, some are completely forgotten about, some just aren't what they used to be.

It's like juggling. Everything is up in the air at one time, and jsut when you get a grip on something, it's back up in the air.

But it's not such a bad thing. Things always come back down, and fall right back into your hands.

It's OFFICIAL!!!

So, yah! I'm an official Starbucks barista! I had my certification today, and I'm all certified and junk. Now I can officially be a bitch about coffee! YAH!

Come see me at work! I'll whip ya up a latte!

In a flash...

"Like a month to a flame, burned by the fire." Hmm, Janet really knew what she was talking about.

And it's over faster than it even started. How's that for "moving too fast"? I know - I KNOW - this is not my fault. He said it himself - I'm the best boyfriend. Maybe he thinks he deserves better than the best? Or maybe he knows that he is not worth the best?

I didn't do anything to cause this. I tried to fix all of the mistakes that I made before. Instead of being scared to get burned, he was scared all together. I mean, the light was nice, it made the darkness brighter. But the heat made him sweat. He thought he'd just go up in smoke.

I'm not afraid of fire. I like running my fingers over a flame, feeling the heat, noticing the way that everything looks like water through it. Isn't that ironic?

So, here's to playing with fire.

What my evening felt like...

I'm not a huge fan of the unexpected. It's like a slap in the face.

Minds and Moods.

Startling fact : I'm not a mind reader!

Ok, let me start this way. I get into bad moods. Everyone does! And I know that I am not the most pleasant person when I am in a bad mood. And I hate KNOWING that I am in a bad mood, cause it just makes it even worse.

But I also hate OTHER people in bad moods. And it's because I am not a mind reader. I automatically think that the bad mood is my fault. That I have somehow caused this bad mood. This usually causes me to ask what is wrong - a question that I HATE getting asked when I am in a bad mood. Then that person's mood gets even worse, and a vicious circle forms.

I just hate seeing people in a bad mood. I feel that I am one of those people who USUALLY puts people in a good mood, the kinda person that you are glad to have around.

So, I don't know what to do to fix this dilema. Someone contact that crystal ball.

A tasty treat for ya!

I've SO lost my appetite!

The unfairness of stupidity.

So, being the superly awesome boyfriend that I am, I drove my happy ass over to Baton Rouge last night to see Jonathan. I'd been gone all weekend, so I figured it would be nice to see him, and give him all the presents that I bought him when I was in Boston - a trip I still have to blog about!

Well, I met him at work, and followed him home. Well, Baton Rouge is notorious for traffic. It's everywhere - all the time. Well, we were wating at a light, and it was just rediculous, so he calls.

"I know this is totally wrong, and against everything I say, but follow me."

And we go to cut through a parking lot. No harm. Other people are doing it.

Well, we turn the corner to see cops. Oh yah, we got busted. And not just one cop, like 3 or 4.

So, we get tickets ($132.25 tickets, mind you!) and Jonathan tries to stick up for me telling the cop that I was following him, blah blah blah.

MY thought ... Why don't one of you asshole cops go DIRECT TRAFFIC at the light so people don't CUT THROUGH THE PARKING LOT! Stupid!

So, yah. Just wait at the light. :)

Thoughts on this weekend...

Here's my thoughts about this past weekend...

English poet Thomas Gray once said, "Ignorance is bliss." Well, I know a hell of a lot of blissful people!

That's about it. More details about the Boston trip later!

Add - a - caption!

Direction...

I'm in Boston on a trip with the school I teach at. The kids are participating in a national drama and debate tournament, and I've come along to help coach and chaperon the kids.

Well, it's the first time that I have traveled since I left tour. Feelings from the past came rushing back as I packed my suitcase and got on a plane. Walking into the hotel last night - it still felt like home. I was so comfortable.

Which is odd to me. I've been off of tour for months now. I'd gotten used to "real" life. I have 2 jobs, a boyfriend ... normalcy.

Well, today we went out. We traveled in groups. I fucking hate groups. I feel that a group of more than 4 people is too much. Well, of course - as is with large groups - no one could decide on what to do, people go cranky cause we weren't doing what THEY wanted to do, and I got pissed off.

And I got a phone call. Rebecca - one of the performance directors from Sesame Street - called to offer me a short term position. I said no. I have a boyfriend who I don't want to leave. I have jobs that I can't just walk away from. I have a life.

But I do look back at those years on the road and remember the fun that I had. When days were spent at the mall and sight-seeing, and nights were spent with a drink in my hand. I miss it - I do.

But I found this online today ...

Looking at the future means you want something. Looking at the past is needing something.

I want what I have now. I want to see where it's going.

Check it out!

Ok, so my brother is a playwright. And right now, he's kinda big shit. He just had one of his plays read in NYC, and now there are plans for it to get produced there. He has also been invited to do one of his plays at the San Francisco Fringe Festival. Yah ... he's big shit!

So, he's started a new play. But you can watch it grow daily. It's called Life/Play, and the idea comes from a woman who wrote a short play a day, and it made it big, so Cody can, too. It's awesome, and he's sending to the NYC Fringe Festival to see how it does there.

Go check it out at http://lifeplay365.blogspot.com

Happy Valentine's Day!

Casting a spell...

Hey look. It's Daniel Radcliffe. Yah, that's right.

It's Harry Freakin' Potter!

He's in Equus in London. And he gets naked.

Why do I feel so dirty right now?

Employee of the Month!

Hey! Guess what?

I got Partner of the Month at work!

WHAT!?! I am so cool!

Don't hate me cause I am a kick-ass barista!

:)

Sour...

Yah, this was my weekend. Sour.

Well, this weekend was the Secret Garden. Overall, it went well, but these past few months have been insane. I'm glad to have a little more time off now. I forgot how stressful theatre can be.

Then, Jonathan came over to visit, since we hadn't been spending much time together with the show going on. Well, it just seemed like the visit took a sour turn, and now I'm feeling like a pretty crappy boyfriend. Yah for me.

So, sorry that I haven't blogged in ages. My mind has just been wrapped around other things, but now that I can relax a bit, I hope to get on here a little more!

Too cute...

And a little bit of funny!

Awww....

Ok, so this is a little post that Jonathan wrote on his blog. Just wanted to share with all of you the words of a guy that takes my breath away. I must say that I agree with him on everything. It is what it is ... and it's good. So, here's to Jonathan - He's truly a "Prince Charming."

The Casey Chronicles: It Is What It Is...So Stop Asking Questions, Stupid!

I met him for dinner for the first time one month and eight days ago - and in approximately 9 days we'll be able to say it's been official for one month. I realize that it's sorta silly to celebrate a month of togetherness; it's so cliche, and seems like such a minute amount of time to deem worthy of recognition, right? But you know... It's sorta ginormous to me, to have this opportunity - to start over with someone, expressing emotions and feelings I'd been terrified to share with anyone for almost an entire year, taking a chance on feeling vulnerable yet safe in someone else's arms, and...well...trusting someone again. I'd honestly thought I was done; damaged beyond repair... So, yeah: Let's bake a cake and drink a bottle of wine or two!

None of these endeavors (and many more) would have been possible had Casey not come into my life. He makes me feel outstanding about myself - and he doesn't mind the anxiety that often pervades my being. He doesn't freak out when I do about how much grief I had endured in the past; he actually listens to me - with open arms and an open heart. I truly consider him to be a blessing. There is so much good going on between us, it's difficult to believe he and I weren't guided to each other by God. I needed him...and I think/hope he needed me, too.
In the beginning, I used to just stare into his eyes and ask him, "What the hell do you see in me?" Of course, my ridiculous inquisition was usually stifled by a kiss or any other simple gesture which would imply that, sometimes, there simply are no words to explain a phenomenon. Still, I wondered about that... Until finally one day, I surrendered and accepted the fact that some things are just good like us - me and Casey - and no explanations are necessary...because there are none available. As I always say, "It is what it is"...and it is GOOD; that's all I need to know.

So, that's the official update on my - dare I say it? - "Love" Life. Although he and I both agree there is no reason to rush into anything, I do believe there will be many more months to celebrate our togetherness in the future.

Congrats, Miss Thang!

WHAT! I won a Golden Globe cause I fucking rock! I'm fierce! Eat that Simon! Eat that Jennifer Holiday! Now buy my CD when it comes out! WOO! Go me!

I'm just so BEE-ZEE!

Ugh. I have too much to do!

So, I have work at Starbucks, then most days, I leave there to go straight to Teurlings to coach the speech kids from 3-5, then rehearsal for the musical starts at 6, and that's til 8.

I'm constantly running form one place to the other. I'm missing some rehearsals for work. I have to learn lines, find a costume, and do speech tournaments on the weekends (which takes up one of my days off).

I also have work calling me to try to help cover some shifts because we are short on people, and I'm trying to find time to hang out with Jonathan.

I'm worn out!

If I had time for a vacation, I'd take one!

Just for laughs...

They do exist...

Alright, out with it already. I'm dating someone.

His name is Jonathan. We met about a month ago, and we made the whole dating thing official on New Year's Day.

He's great. We met. We had dinner. And there was that "something" there. There are times where you met someone, and you like them, but that feeling isn't there. Well, with him, it was.

We have a lot in common, to the point where sometimes it's just a little freaky. We are both coming out of some hard relationships - so we are both kinda weary of dating again, but getting through it together.

It's nice, having someone to care about, and having them care about me, too. We make each other smile.

Ok, enough cheese. Here's a pic of him...

Jonathan : A+

Rain...

Rain, feel it on my finger tips

Hear it on my window pane

Your love's coming down like

Rain, wash away my sorrow

Take away my pain

Your love's coming down like rain...

Ugh. It's raining. The weather here in Lafayette has been crazy. It rains like crazy for a few days, then it stops... then it rains like crazy again. UGH!

Hello 2007!

Hey boys and girls! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!


I hope that all of you had a festive night. I was at home, and in bed by 11:30. I know - sucks huh? I dunno, I just wasn't in the celebrating spirit. I mean, I thought about going out - but then I thought of the people who would be there and junk, and decided against it.

But, I just want to wish all of you a great new year. It's funny to look back and see how much has happened in a year, and how much you've changed. And it's great to think that you have a brand new year ahead of you to do it all over again. And to think where you are going to be at the end of 2007? Hmmm...

Sniff it!

Ok, so I love me some of this candle! I think that is smells like a gay guy. Well, not like smoke, alcohol, and last night's sex - but like a cologne that a gay guy would wear. So, I bought one of the ones that plug into the outlet for my room. It's smells lovely!

What's your fave Yankee Candle?

Dreamgirls Update!

That's right kids ... DREAMGIRLS IS THE SHIT!!!! Oh my lord, it is such a good movie. And Jennifer Hudson is AWESOME! Jamie Foxx - not so awesome.

So, go see it. It's a great movie, and it's fun to watch black people get weirded out when they see white people at the movie!

DREAMGIRLS!!!!!

I'm going see it at 7! I am going to sing everything! I'll update later! YEAH!!!

Merry Christmas!

Are you sure you want to sit on Santa's lap and tell him what you want???

I hope everyone has a great holiday!

Hope

It's still alive and kicking.


There is so much more to say, but, it's hard to put into words.


A smile says it all. :)

Coffee Lesbians and such...

OH MY GOD! I hate people!

It's freaking coffee. Why do people have to be such assholes about coffee?

So, there is a coffee lesbian. She comes in like, 2 or 3 times a day and orders this INSANE drink, with extra shots, nonfat milk, no whip cream, and like 25 pumps of vanilla syrup. Now, for a NORMAL person, this drink would come with 5 pumps of vanilla. THIS CRAZY LESBIAN wants 25 pumps? Seriously? Has munching on carpet completely killed your taste buds? Oh, and don't you dare ask her to repeat her rediculously weird order. Like we have to learn what she wants in our training, and us NOT knowing it is completely ubsurd. And you better not be slow making it either. Or she'll get mad.

Then, today, there was the "fresh coffee" guy. So, he comes in and asks for just brewed coffee. So, I fill his cup, but he got the last of what was brewed. He askes if it is fresh - it had been brewed for 30 min. Now, coffee is good for an hour. And I told him this. He takes the coffee. He comes back a few minutes later. Says he doesn't want it and wants me to brew fresh coffee. I said ok, but it'll be a few minutes - I had to brew fresh coffee anyway. So, I give him his NEW coffee, and he asks for the number for the store. I get it for him, and he procedes to chew me out, saying that he has gotten coffee from Starbucks for years, and he didn't appreciate me agruing with him, blah blah blah.

Umm, HELLO! You didn't ask for fresh coffee! You asked if it was fresh. I told you. You accepted. DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE! Next time, I will grind the beans, then brew them, then making him drink straight from the fucking POT! How's that for fresh?

Don't fuck with people who make your coffee. We are angry, caffinated people. We are dangerous!

Happy WHORE-lidays!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! I hope that everyone's holiday is starting off on a good note! :)



Well, last night, I attended my friends Chelsea and Chris' X-mas party. Now, I was supposed to be a co-host for this party, but now that I have 2 jobs, I really have no time for anything else but eating and sleeping! But, I did attend the party, and they did a great job!






It was your typical gay party - lots of little queers running around being great, a few straight girls, a lesbian or two, and some random straight guys who are only there for the alcohol. And speaking of alcohol - there was PLENTY! There were peppermint and snowball martinis ... and there was Chel's Rum Punch. Well, it surely did punch - me in the head. Oof, it was a rough morning!




Now, no good gay party is done without a little drama. So, here it is!


Well, one of our friends is notorious for liking the young boys. Notorious as in "on his criminal record." Anyway, he shows up with these two guys. CLEARLY underage. Well, we named them Pedialite and Symilac. Then, Chelsea called our friend Colonel Sanders. I about lost it! So, it WAS Christmas with Colonel Sanders!






Overall, a lovely night! Thanks Chels and Chris! Love you guys!

WOO HOO!!!!

I HAVE THE DAY OFF!!!! YEAH!!!!

Well, I do still have to go coach the high school kids, but that's no big deal. I have things that I need to do, but, I rather just be lazy. Hmm, day off - fun times!

Something smells different...

So, I'm now spending my weekends with high school kids. I'm coaching the speech and drama team at Teurlings High School here in Lafayette, and they have tournaments on the weekends. So, I'm there with our other coaches, and we make sure that all the kids get to their rounds on time, and we check on how they are doing, blah blah blah.

Well, we have lots of time where we are just sitting around and talking to coaches from other schools and stuff. And of course, we wonder who is gay. Well, our head coach, Josette Surrat, has NO gaydar. She is hilarious. So, my brother and I have been trying to help her recognize the gays. It's SO funny, and really makes the time pass by.

She also has a habit of saying really rude things, but not meaning to. It just kinda comes out of her mouth. Like, the other day, she said, "Black people smell different." She didn't mean to be rude, but it's true, they do smell a little different - it's the products they use and stuff. Anyway, we decided that Josette needs to write a book called "Something Smells Different - The Wit and Wisdom of Josette Surrat!" Look for it in bookstores soon!

So, sorry I haven't been blogging as much. I've been working like a crazy person, and spending my weekends outing people! ;)

Oh, wanna test your gaydar. Click HERE!

The Casey Update!

So, here's a little update on what I've been up to.






Well, I finished my first week at Starbucks. It feels like more than just a week! I trained during the beginning of the week, and I was thrown to the wolves the rest of the week. I was working the front register - which sounds pretty easy. But I've figured it out ... it's all about multi-tasking. You have to be able to do about 7 things at one time. I'm getting the hang of it, but there are moments where I just stand there and stare into space, or when I suddenly can't remember how to do anything. But, I'm getting some good feedback from everyone, so that makes me feel better. Now, once I start doing something new, I'll fuck that up and they'll hate me again! :)






So, I've also been coaching the Speech team at Teurlings Catholic High. They are an awesome team full of very talented kids. I was at a tournament ALL DAY Saturday, but the kids did really well, and we even took home the 1st place Sweepstakes trophy, which means that overall, our school did the best. It was nice to know that they won ... AND I HELPED!! Good times!



Besides that, life's been pretty calm. It's nice being home, and spending time with my family. My mom and I decorated the X-mas tree ... and we've been getting rave reviews. It's all decorated in silver ornaments with white lights ... I'll have to take a picture and post it. But, it's nice being home. I do miss tour a little ... not dancing in a big furry suit, but the people, and the fun times we all had!



So, that's about it. I haven't had time to blog because I've been so busy with work. Oof, 9-5 is hard!