Extremely Desperate Anatomy - Home Edition!

So, another lovely Sunday night. Grab some food and let's watch some TV! Well, Extreme Makeover - Home Edition was great. And why, you ask? Crazy black lady! Oh yes, she had the spirit of Jesus in her. She would scream, and jump up and down. Now THAT'S what you do when Ty Pennington builds you a house! Then, Housewives. Can we say DISSAPOINTMENT! IT WAS A RERUN!!! Oh well, I had time to go check my e-mail. Then Grey's Anatomy, which is just an AMAZING show. The girl on the pole - she rocks. Someone give her an acting gig - she's good. So, another great night of television. I can't wait until next Sunday when I will be in Minneapolis and I'll have some of the old Sunday nighters with me. Oh ... and I had homemade vegtable soup ...yum, and it was chilly out!

Calories, Calories!

So, this picture is EXACTLY what I am feeling like right now. After being off of tour since the end of August, it's time to head back to the street. Stupidly, I have sat on my ass for the past 2 months, and now it's time for me to try to jumpstart my body so I don't pass out and die in rehearsals. I tried running with a friend one day, but I ended up with a huge blister on my foot and aching legs for a few days. And as hard as I try, it's just impossible to eat healthy down in the land of fried foods and lard! So, wish me luck as I try to turn back the last 2 months in 5 days. And save me a donut!

Sex Tips for Gay Guys

Haha, clever cover. So, I was sitting at home one day, and my dad comes in with the mail and says that a book came in for me. Well, most of you know I am a huge read freak, and actually buying a book and having it sent to my house is not something I would normally do. Well, I open it up, and it is this book - Sex Tips fo Gay Guys. Well, I didn't remember buying it, so I wondered who sent it to me? Well, I think it was a free gift from gay.com .... Thanks guys! Anyway, I've been reading it, and it is pretty informative. It's not just about sex, but grooming, how to act in a bar, and stuff. And yes, there are sex tips, but they also give ya little "what to expect" tips for the different types of guys you might run into. It's a fun book, and it just might leave ya a little enlightened. Oh, and for the girlies out there - the also wrote " Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man." We didn't want to leave you out! :)

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Fork in the Road

So, being unemployed gives you lots of time to sit and ponder. I've been thinking about what I am going to do once my international travels are done. Do I go back out for another tour? Or do I hang up the character heels and take another path? Do I stay in Louisiana, or do I pack up again and start new somewhere else? Do I fix what I broke, or just start with a brand new one? Do I get out of bed, or just sleep another hour - or 4. It seems easier when you have no time to think ... and you just do. But eventually you have to stop for a second, and look down the road ahead, and maybe pull out a map and decide where the hell you are going to go. Maybe then do you realize that you've been traveling in circles. Or maybe you ask someone along the way for the quickest route? Or the scenic one? Or maybe where the nearest rest area is? So you can sit, and ponder the road ahead.

A helping hand ... Or a slap in the face.

It's good to know who your friends are. They are the ones that are always just a phone call away when you need to vent out your emotions. And while you are venting, they just listen, even when they think you might be wrong. Then they call later to make sure there isn't more you need to get off of your chest. They are the ones who are there to give you a helping hand. And sometimes that helping hand happens to be a slap across the face. They are the ones who maybe be hundreds of miles away, but are always there for you. They are the ones who hold a mirror up to your face to see the beauty they see that no one else does, and to show you just how ugly everyone else perceives you. Sometimes, they are the ones who don't say anything at all. Just that they love you. And sometimes that is all you need to hear. So, here's to knowing who your friends are. You know who you are. :) Btw ... this girl's friend needs to tell her that the fingernail polish she is wearing is SO not cute.

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TYRA MAIL!!!!

Ok, I'm shallow. I absolutely LOVE America's Next Top Model. I am totally addicted to it. I have it TiVo'ed. I practically have an orgasm when there is an ANTM marathon on VH1. Ok, so here is the deal. Being home in Lafayette, there is not much to do - especially on aWednesday night. And as you may have realized from previous blog entries - I've been watching WAY too much TV. Well, ANTM is a wonderful show, especially for the model in all of us. Or at least the queer in all of us. It has catty girl fights, fabulous hair and make-up, a walking coach ... "This is my signature walk!" Then you get to see some fabulous modeling pictures, the lovely Trya Banks, who always looks like RuPaul's cousin, and then get to see the pretty girl get called ugly and get sent home. It's wonderful. AND ... best of all, it can always be used as a drinking game. Have everyone do a shot when the words "Tyra", "photo", or "America's Next Top Model" are spoken. You'll be posing for a camera in no time!

Back to the Grind!

Well, I am once again home in Louisiana. I drove the 12 hour trip back from Florida yesterday - and I made it home in 11 hours! WOO HOO! Anyway, all vacationing aside, I now have to focus and get my mind on work. I have to prepare for rehearsals for Everyone Makes Music, especially since I am going to be an understudy now. There is a lot that I have to learn, and only a little time to do that. I also need to start working on choreographing The Wizard of Oz for my brother. Auditions are in a week, and I have NOTHING prepared. Around all that, I need to try to get back into some kind of physical shape so that I don't pass out in Minneapolis. UGH! So much to do, so little motivation!

Life's a DRAG!

Hey guys! Here are some pictures from the Halloween party I went to in Orlando! Laugh all you want! :)

Hip Hip Hor-GAY!

Well, I am once again packing my bags for a trip to Orlando. This time I am headed down there for my friends - Michael and Victor's - Halloween party. They have a party every year for Halloween, and it is always out of control. These boys LOVE Halloween, and their party is always a hit. There is always a theme. Past years have been Disney Villians, Alice in Wonderland, Aladdin, and so forth. Well, another Halloween tradition is the Rosenswag sisters. I know, you don't know what the hell I am talking about. Well, Michael, Victor, myself and our friend Mark decided that we would all dress in drag for Halloween one year. We all dressed up like these crazy old Jewish women, and hit Pleasure Island at DisneyWorld. Well, you can imagine the insanity. Well, we kept this up for a few years, and the Rosenswag family grew and grew. Well, I left to go on tour, and the Rosenswags were put up in the closet for a while. Well, (trying to make a point before I lose people) - this year's theme is THE ROSENSWAGS ARE BACK!!! So, it is back to Orlando for another crazy Halloween. So, I want to give 3 cheers to my sisters - Myra, Margo, and Rhoda! Hip Hip Hor-GAY!

Panties Panties Panties!

Ok, so this blog entry is dedicated to Chris Harper. He knows why! So, for those of you who don't know me that well ... baby got back! Now, I don't have this huge ass or anything, but it is pretty damn THERE! Maybe it's from the year and a half that I worked at KFC? Well, when asked the great briefs or boxers question - I like the trunk style brief. Not as small as tighty whities, but not as long and boxer briefs. A happy medium. Well, not for my ass. See, it always happens that the undies start to climb a bit, and BAM, the bottom of my ass cheeks are hanging out. Now, Chris thinks this is hilarious, and says WHOOP WHOOP back up - that ass is too fat! Well, whatever. Shake what ya momma gave ya! So Chris, this one's for you!

I'm so EGG SALAD!

So, I'd like to introduce the blogging world to my friend James! Ok, no, this is not James. But I would not be surprised if he reads this, and sees this picture, and gets a friend to help him make this face. James - if you do, take a picture! ANYWAY, James and I dated a long time ago. He is an awesome guy - one of the most caring people I know. He's a little crazy ... like, mental hospital crazy ... but it's always good for a laugh. :) He also taught me how to be a bitch! Thanks James! (the world thanks you too!) So, I'll let you get a taste of James for yourself. Check him out at http://www.mrtoobles.blogspot.com! Enjoy!

Housewives Update!

Ok, so another great night of television. First was Extreme Makeover - Home Edition. Well, as usual - sad story, crazy rooms, Ty screaming, and it all ended with me crying, but feeling like there is hope in the world. Then came Desperate Housewives, which made it all better. So, my friend Dustin thinks that the show will lose its "umph" now that it is in it's 2nd season. Well, you are WRONG my friend, WRONG! I can see some crazy storylines starting ... AND I LOVE IT! Bree and Lynette were once again FABULOUS! (Dustin, our faves are the best!) I was SO glad to see Ms. Huber's sister, Felicia, is back. That is another crazy bitch that I love! We finally saw the crazy man in the basement! What the hell is up with that? Well, it was just good good good! I can't WAIT til next Sunday! After Housewives, we ended the night with another good episode of Grey's Anatomy. I am really starting to like this show, too. I am sad that Sandra Oh lost her baby. And the girl with the crazy blushing ... that was wild! So, cheers to another good night of TV. Oh, and as for the fat girl menu for last night ... leftover BBQ from my aunt's and a big ol piece of chocolate cake. Ya, I know, less TV .. MORE GYM!!!

Say WHAT?

So, what do YOU think this baby is thinking? I saw this picture on AOL and I had to post it on here. I love babies! OH, and a great website for you guys that love to put pictures on your blog ... http://www.gettyimages.com !

Ever feel like this?

Ok, maybe you don't feel like a lesbian that needs help, but hey, I feel for her! :)

Why Me? WHY!

So, I went to visit my friend Blake in Baton Rouge yesterday. I went around 6pm, and we went run a few errands, did a quick stop at the Mall of Louisiana, and then headed back to his place to freshen up for a night out. Well, Blake just moved to Baton Rouge, and he lives right down by the state capitol. The roads are REALLY narrow down there, and to make matters worse, one whole side of the street is lined with cars. Blake tells me to park in this driveway aross the street from his house cause the house is empty. So, I go to pull in. Well, I kinda misjudged how much room was between my car and this funky tree and BAM! I hit the tree. Now, I would just like to mention that I had NO alcohol yet. That's right - completely sober and I run into a tree. Well, I bent up the front bumper and felt like a COMPLETE MORON!!! Why does this shit always happen to me?

ORDER IN THE COURT TV!

Ok, so my dad gets home from work at about 9 AM. Yah, he works the graveyard shift. Anyway, once he gets home and settles down to watch some TV, we are just in time for an entertaining afternoon of courtroom dramas on Fox! Well, it is actually more like courtroom comedies. :) It all starts with The People's Court - with the honorable Judge Marilyn Milian. She's totally hot. And she is so blunt - I love her. And it's The People's Court ... they have the WIERDEST cases. She's got a great job. SO, after that, we get another serving in the form of Judge Mathis. Now, here we have Judge Greg Mathis presiding. He's straight from the hood, who got a second chance and became a judge. This man doesn't put up with anything, and he is quick to dismiss anyone's lawsuit. He, of course, gets all the ghetto and white trash people in his courtroom. SO HILARIOUS! So, if you have some free time in the afternoon, grab your lunch and tune into some fine television programming. Court is ajourned!

My Floridian Adventure

My adventure started 2 weeks ago when I drove for 12 hours to see my friends in Orlando who are performing in Elmo's Coloring Book. I couldn't wait to see my BFF Emily and my BFF #2 Dustin! It was so good seeing both of them. Well, since Emily's parents were there to see her too, Dustin and I hit the streets of Orlando ... MAIN STREET that is! We went on down to Disney. First we went to Animal Kingdom, since that is where I worked when I was at Disney. We saw Festival of the Lion King, the show I did, and we did a little walking around. We made a quick stop at the Magic Kingdom to do some all-time favorties, and then we went to Epcot to do a little drinking around the world! Well, Dustin and I got highly intoxicated and had a grand ol' time! I went and saw ECB twice while I was there, and Dustin, Emily, and the rest of the cast were great! It was awesome seeing the show again! I had such a good time there, just laughing about old times, and getting to spend some time with them. They are two of my closest friends, and although it has only been a week, I miss them both terribly! Well, after they left, I stayed in Orlando for a few more days to attend my friend Amarylis' wedding. She and I have been friends for years, and I wouldn't have missed seeing her get married for the world. She was BEAUTIFUL and it was a great ceremony. At the reception, I caught the garder - well, I pulled it out of someone else's hand, but whatever! It was wierd seeing one of my friends growing up and getting married. I am so glad that she is happy and has found someone that she wants to spend the rest of her life with! I wish them both the best! While I stayed those extra days in Orlando, I stayed with my friends Michael and Victor. We planned for Michael's big Halloween party that they have every year! Oh, I'll talk about that more later - pictures are needed to explain the insanity! Well, after all that, I drove to Panama City to visit my friend Joey on another Sesame tour - Out of this World. I must admit, I was expecting a lot more out of Panama City. I thought it was going to be like Orlando. Well, I was SADLY MISTAKEN!!! This place is Western Alabama! It is SO country. I hate it. But, as for seeing Joey and the show, ALL GOOD! Joey and I went out, and it was like old times! It's always a good time with Joey, and we've had some good laughs and plenty of crazy moments. I swear that Joey and I attract crazy people! Anyway, I head home tomorrow, and I am really looking forward to being home in Lafayette. I haven't been there since Hurricane Rita hit, but it will be nice to be home and in one place for a while ... well, until I drive back to Orlando in a few weeks! :)

Roseanne

While I was in Orlando staying with my friends Michael and Victor, my last night there we stayed up late and drank martinis. We also watched Roseanne. Now, Michael and Victor LOVE Roseanne. They even have the DVD's. I always loved Roseanne, because that was the kind of family that I had. They weren't the Brady's or the Huckstable's. They were real. Looking back and watching old episodes, they dealt with some heavy issues for that time. The acting was great - their fights seemed real! It's an awesome show, something you can really relate to. So, here's to you Roseanne - I'm glad that you are in syndication! :)

Hard at Work!

Well, for those of you who DON'T know what I do for a living - here it is! Yes, I am a performer with Sesame Street Live! No, I am not an ice skater and no, I do not do the voices! Anyway, here is a picture of me in Honker from my ECB tour last year. Ain't I cute? Well, now that Jose has put away his character heels to work the runways, I'll be Honker on the Holland leg of our International tour. I just want to give a "HEY GIRL!" to Jose and to Chris H. - my fellow Purple Honkers! Honk Honk MuthaF*ckah! Hopefully Aubergine is resting in the C&C warehouse somewhere - she needs it! Love you all, and go see Sesame Street Live! when it comes to your town! It's a good show - and it pays my bills! :) For tour dates, go to http://www.sesamestreetlive.com!